OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
