Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
