I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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