Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
