hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunk is not a location!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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