Got a toothbrush?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is Oprah even human
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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