Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
