Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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