I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize