they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
