that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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