dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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