Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize