The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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