You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
