dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
