is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize