bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
