the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
