I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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