Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
