Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
