You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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