i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
