Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
