we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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