I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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