i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize