i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
