He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
