It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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