We got so high we made milksteak
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
