my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
