i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
