Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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