I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
