i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
