I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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