i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
