I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
