Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
