Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
