Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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