My Higher Power is John Stamos
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
