Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
