he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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