hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
