I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
