can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize