Pregnant stripper...not hot.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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