Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
