i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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