You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she peed on how many people?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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