is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize