this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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