Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
