and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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