So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
