So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
