I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
