Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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