Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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