She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
