I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
