you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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