Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
