Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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