New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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