so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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