Well douche your snatch and let's go!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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