Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
