Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
