I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
