OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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