Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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