Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
