what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
