wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
