Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
