It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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